M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
