He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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