i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
