dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
