Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
