Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
