my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
