Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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