hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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