Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
