whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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