You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
