New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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