apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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