It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
