i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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