ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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