Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
