Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
