people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
