i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
