i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
