Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
