so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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