yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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