so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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