Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
