so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he fucked my hip out of place.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
