What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
