I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
