I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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