you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
