Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
50% drunk capacity currently
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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