I cut my penus on the lid.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
