I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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