dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
