Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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