I look better un-naked...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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