I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
