The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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