the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
