he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
