Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i've created a new STD.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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