i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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