had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
