I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
