You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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