I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
