It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
After tacos, we're chasing women.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
