Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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