I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
