Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
