I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
