If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
