I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
