Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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