my soul wont recognize me after tonight
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
