we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
