I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
