I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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