My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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