This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
